winning and loosing

I set off on my run this evening to meditate on winning and loosing. The Cavs are 1 game away from being eliminated from the NBA play offs following a season of dominating the league. The season we in Cleveland have followed has been the most promising of any of our pro sports teams in my lifetime. With Lebron James leading his best team, we have had confidence that we would finally experience what every other major city in America has witnessed. A championship.

Winning is a foreign subject to me personally. The last time I was part of a winning team was my Little league team (Tris Speaker youth baseball) My team went 14-1-1. Our final game was a scrimmage against the 2nd best and only team to beat us. We won 19-3. We were the Giants. We were coached by some college players that were really good at teaching us the game. What I will always remember is how well we did the basic things. When ever we did something special on the field it counted and was magnified because all the basics were taken care of.

As an adult athlete I have two age group awards from 10 years ago. My approach to racing is much more in line with participating then it is competing. I look for a personal challenge or a fun event to see friends and run faster or further then I normally would. I race with personal goals, but I have no plans on returning home with anything other then a finishers medal.

As a fan, I love to watch the games. I love getting to know the players on the field. I love seeing the way a team meshes. I love seeing an underdog like the '97 Indians or the '05 Cavs exceed every ones expectations, and not being surprised. I know that I can look back on this past season and say that I have every reason to believe that LBJ and co. can and should win the next 3.

As a Clevelander I am haunted by a sense that I will never see it happen. An Injury or free agency will snatch hope away. The best opportunity to win will be thwarted by one moment that will be remembered vividly by all in our city.

A ball sailing inches from the outstretched glove of a favorite pitcher. A great RB being stripped before he crosses into the end zone. Moments that defined the careers of two of the greatest players ever. An interception that made the coldest of January's ever in our history that much colder.

2007.....I am so glad I had ironman during the never ending sports disappointments we went through 2 years ago. As a Cleveland sports fan, I am familiar with disappointment. The best we have had was a team that still had a chance in the last play of the last game. The big win never happens here. That's just the way it is.

My run took me through a warm rain, down the hill into University Circle. The turn around point is the lagoon in front of the art museum. as I pointed back eastward I noticed a rainbow leading into the area of the University Hospital. The Rainbow Babies and children hospital appeared to be the end point of the rainbow. Having been born in that hospital, I was reminded of my mom claiming she had my dad circle round Severance Hall home of the Cleveland Orchestra, to insure musicality. I remember going to her work at the institute of art when I was young and being influenced by so much music and art. I remembered listening to music at the Jazz and folk clubs and eventually performing at them. I thought of the Gardens and Museums. I thought of the city and the amazing park system. The way the people support the arts and work to preserve the culture. I remembered that the place I was born is very special. I am proud to claim Cleveland as my birthplace and home. I realized that the end of the rainbow is an amazing city. Win or loose, it is always home.

Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon Race recap

The weekend leading up to the race was very relaxed. Aside from a few hours at work, I mainly stayed off my feet. I had Pad Thai for dinner Friday and Veggie sushi Saturday night. I slept well both nights. So I felt rested and well fueled without feeling bloated. I hydrated well, and my pre-race meal consisted of two Lara bars and 12oz of Gatorade. AJ and I rolled down to the race at about 6am. I was able to clear my soul in the loo. I checked my stuff, turned on my garmin and lined up.
I was hoping to make one last stop in the confessional, but the lines were very long. The race attracted record numbers this year, so I decided to wait for the first good tree or statue of a for civic leader to loose excess water weight. The air was cold. I wore gloves for warmth. I settled into the crowd near the 4:45 pace group. Not that I was looking for a finish of that time, It was just as close as I could get. I checked my Garmin for the time only to discover that it was still looking for satellites. Apparently buildings cause problems. Since the course was measured, I didn't worry to much about it. I mostly wanted heart rate info. Pace is easy math.
The race started and 5 minutes later we were thru the starting line. My first few yards were with my neighbor and AJ's roomy Brendon. I spotted a place for privacy and pealed off. When I returned to the course, I jumped in and just hung with what was comfortable. My body was still a little tired following the trail marathon, so my strategy was easy going....
Thru the first mile the crowd was tight and slow. I started to hit my stride and moved up into a pack that matched my natural pace. 9;30 with walking at aid stations. I was a little to well hydrated, so I had a few additional stops along the way. At times I reminded my self of Zeus(my folks lab) with the incessant tree soaking.
The run was going smoothly thru 12. Some where on the main street bridge my knee did something that really freaked me out. I took immediate caution and pulled to the side of the road to massage it and do a quick self examination. I began running again, but with caution. If something seemed seriously wrong I could pull out at the half way point and head to the finish to cheer on friends. The pain continued but did not worsen. This was a marathon, so I excepted some pain and pushed on past the turn off.
Out along the marginal, I was manging my knee pain. 25 yards from the coming aid station I found a GU in my pack and walked into oasis looking for water. Matt Collister(CTC multi IM and now ultra runner) was working this water table. I leaned into him and said muttered, " Doing marathons so close together f**king hurts my knees".
He replied, "Keep moving forward".
So forward I moved.
Around this time I struck up a conversation with a runner attempting her first marathon. She was beginning to doubt her ability to finish. She was concerned about falling apart after 17 miles.
I shared some of the things I had learned over the years. I let her know that things turn good as quickly as they turn bad. The human spirit is an amazing thing. during the darkest parts of this race she would find inner strengths she never knew existed in her self. Marathons turn mental after 20 miles.
Around 21 miles, she was still with me. neither of us had wavered from our strategy. She walked at mile markers and I at aid stations. I kept assuring her that she was doing great. she told me that the things I had said were giving her strength.
At 55th and St Clair I saw Mary cheering. I was still using Matt's advice. The knee was stable. Every thing hurt. I was tight and unable to stretch the stride, but I was running. The 4:45 pace group caught me. I think they were ahead of pace. I stuck close with that group the rest of the way.
The final 5k was just an exercise in determination. I hurt all over. At lakeside with under 1/2 a mile to go I ran as hard as I could. This was not hard at all. I crossed the finish in 4:44. I finished with the group I started with. I waited for my new friend that traveled the tough miles with me. she was 2 minutes back. I congratulated her. She gave me a hug and thanked me for my words. I thanked her. Staying positive is so much easier when you can share with others.
Micky Ryzmick came over to me to congratulate me. I was wearing the same GCT hat he had on. I found Mary and we laid on the Mall C lawn for awhile before finding coffee and lunch....

Thoughts from the day. The weather was perfect. Aside from a little wind, this was as a good a weather day as can ever be hoped for. The new course was very scenic. I think the race directors found a course that celebrates the city. Detroit ave and St Claire suck, but there is really no other way to get in or out of downtown without facing the economic reality that exists between the downtown area and the burbs. I personally think it is a very important area to visit in the cities of America. The lake front, Rockefeller Park all of the downtown sites, Lakewood and the new finish at city hall made for a great course. The race course had many more people cheering on both sides of town. This race has made some great changes for the better. I once again recommend it after being down on it the past few years.

Alot of friends had great races. Most notably, when I looked at the results i noticed that AJ Baucco whom I drove to the race with took 5th in the half. In the women's race I noticed E-speeds name as the 2nd place finisher.....Amazing.

Congats all.

Goals for the Cleveland marathon

As I head into the coming weekend, I think it important that I take a moment to reflect on my coming task this Sunday. I am registered for the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon. This will be my second marathon start in 21 days. Unlike the Trail Marathon last month, this on is flat and run on roads. I have no real expectations. I am realistic in knowing that I have never gone this distance with so little time between starts. I think I was able to bounce back following the race in Ann Arbor in good shape. My legs still have very little pep, but I have not really pushed to hard. I have followed my standard tapper. So who knows. I think my biggest goal is to go out and enjoy the biggest fitness party in town. I hope to stay positive and run a marathon around my city.

Also, I have moved my music( http://www.charliemosbrook.com ) site onto blogger and have done a lot of changes to it. Please check it out.

Runners Envy

Today was a rest day. I have been training consistently. My body is in need of the kind of schedule that marathon tapering brings. Quick short jogs and an extra day off. My mileage will be cut drastically in the coming week. My body could use the rest . I am well aware of the benefits of tapering. The JT line"My body is aching and my time is at hand and I won't make it any other way" rings true a week before a marathon. My body and mind know this to be true, but my spirit and soul want to run.

As I walked to the bust stop following work I noticed runners everywhere. As the bus rolled up the hill to Cleveland Heights, I watched runners climbing and descending Mayfield. I wanted to press my nose to the window to see them all run. I twisted in my seat to get a glimpse of all the runners heading into the cemetery. As I walked from my stop , it seemed that everyone on Coventry was headed out for a run. I noticed nothing else. My heart was stiring inside. I wanted to go out and run too.

But for me this evening there is only this runners envy. Like a dog in a car at the dog park, I can only look forward to my run tomorrow. I will be rested.

We are stardust

A few years back as I began the early stages of my training for Ironman UK, I joined a CTC run one Wednesday night. There were just 3 of us that night. One runners name I have lost in the past few years. I have either not seen him since or I saw under a different light. The other runner was E-speed. I think it was our first formal meeting. I knew who she was, as she had spent the whole day at GCT rooting us all on. Her enthusiasm certainly fueled a few miles for me that day. I had also read her JFK50 mile race report here in blogland. So many folks in these sports seem to inspire others just by doing what they do. Sometimes inspiration takes a long delay before it hits.
As we ran along, E shared her experience from the JFK50 mile. The race seemed unimaginable. I was focused on Ironman, so entertaining any idea of running a 50 mile race had no space in my mind. I also remember her reflecting on the questions of "What's Next?" and "Whats the point of all this?".
These questions have dogged me over the past year since finishing my first Ironman. I imagine this is common for long distance athletes.
Looking for a point may always remain a mystery. I am not sure I have ever heard of anyone clearly defining a point to pushing beyond the limits of human endurance. When it comes to staying in shape, these Ultra and iron distance races are overkill. Trying to find an easy sound bite to explain our drive is silly. When it comes right down to it, I think if you are searching for a point, you have missed the point. The only clear point is a finish line. Once we cross over that line it ceases to have any relevance in our present.

At a races end, it is easy and common to become lost as our sense of purpose has come to a conclusion. What is gained from many of my races is gained during the months of training that precedes the actual race. A big smile and a finishers medal account for a very small part of the reward. Sometimes the greatest struggle comes after the finish. Haunted by the emptiness of living with out goals makes life after the race more difficult then the race it self. We have had so much time to ready our selves for the trials that we would have to overcome on race day. We spend almost no time preparing for the transition after our goals have been met. Just as I believe death is a transition, I believe that a finish line would be better defined as a transition line. Crossing that line can bring a world of confusion if your biggest goal has been achieved.

Following my IMUK finish I was able soak up the joy for a while. Within a month, I had committed to another year of ironman training. I took some downtime and got back to work.

As I began the training for IM Louisville, I found my self confronted by the same questions I had listened to E-speed ask a year earlier. I had no answers to these questions and often found my training uninspired, flat, and boring. I wondered what the point was often and more then once considered dropping out. One thing I repeatedly promised myself after IMKY was to spend more time just running. I looked forward to a season of more focused marathon training.

Early on Nichole and I had planned for the Big Sur. Having new goals waiting beyond an Ironman finish propelled me to the finish/transition line at 4th street live. I learned alot about myself last year. Most importantly I learned that I have no quit in me.

My training for big Sur began well. Driven and focused on a new goal, the joy of training had returned. When it became clear that Nichole was dealing with injuries that would force her to drop out of the Big Sur plan, along with economic fears looming, I adjusted my plans as I once had to do for ironman and picked the Trail Marathon. My training moved along without distraction. I went into my race feeling I was ready......I was not......The trail kicked my ass. I was down, but there was no quit in me. Like the little scrapper that I was as a kid, I would drag my bloodied body from the trail and jump right back into the fight. I refused to end a season of marathon training with a race like that. I decided to run the marathon in Cleveland 2 weeks from now and maintain my training. I am completely focused.

I have also decided to maintain my focus on running. Sept 19th I plan to go 50k for the first time on the same course that beat me last week. The race is called the freak50k. It is a part of a weekend called Runwoodstock. The big race is the Hallucination100 Mile. I will follow that up with the Towpath Marathon and then a week before Thanksgiving I will end my season with The JFK50 mile.
I gotta be honest, the distance still seems unimaginable to me. I think back to last Sunday and remember how relieved I was to see the finish/transition line. I wonder,"how can I go any further?". The truth is, I don't think I have ever seen a finish line that I was not relieved to see. Most races leave me feeling destroyed for at least a short moment.

So I now have season race goals that will give me focus. 50miles is huge in my mind. I have a lot of miles ahead. I have no idea what comes after JFK. But I know unlike the 60's, Woodstock comes first.

I came upon a child of god
He was walking along the road
And I asked him, where are you going
And this he told me
Im going on down to yasgurs farm
Im going to join in a rock n roll band
Im going to camp out on the land
Im going to try an get my soul free
We are stardust
We are golden
And weve got to get ourselves
Back to the garden
-Joni Mitchell

What other point do you need?