How deep the river

Ever since I watched Jen finish Ironman Austria back in 1999, I had dreamed of finishing one myself. Jen is a much better athlete then I, so it was hard to fathom myself having the endurance to cover 140.6 miles. I had completed a few marathons at this time, but Ironman seemed like such an impossible goal. It wasn't until my first 70.3 completion that I could imagine going the full distance.

My first Ironman in the UK was the magical experience I had dreamed of. I never struggled with my training and found race day followed in the same manner. My enthusiasm carried me through the tough times. I really never felt that the finish was out of reach as long as I was patient and followed my plan. The work was a lot, but it was what I wanted to do. finishing Ironman was my priority.

This year I have found it to be much tougher. I have other goals I am working towards. My time has been gladly spread to other area's in my life. Sometimes I have been to tired or bored of training. Week after week I have followed my plan whether I want to or not. Sometimes the desire to quit has been strong.

Sometimes I have wanted to do what other people do on Saturday or at happy hour. I have wanted to sleep in or spend more time with M. Time management has not been as easy, as my attention has been divided into area's outside of triathlon. I have sought methods to better manage my limited time, but ultimately my priorities have not been as focused on Ironman as they were prior to my first.

Some how the months rolled by and my training stayed on track despite my lack of enthusiasm. My fitness was intact, but my motivation was lost. I wasn't clear on why I wanted to do Ironman, I was just training because I was registered for the race in Louisville.

When I got to Morgantown for the ½ I found my self with nothing on the inside. I had the physical strength for the race, but my heart was weak. I didn't care. Leaving that race, I knew that if I was to finish Ironman I would have to do some real soul searching. I would have to look deeper then I had before. I would have to continue to build my physical strength, but if I wanted to succeed with Ironman I would have to focus on building my strength from within.

The next month was one of long and frequent workouts. I had a handful of big breakthrough workouts, but mostly I focused on the frequency of my workouts. I spent most of the big workouts looking deeply trying to find focus. At Steelhead I realised the results of my renewed commitment. I found strength and joy from within. I PR'd that day, but the real victory was in finding my self. The difference between Morgantown and Steelhead was not in my physical fitness, it was my heart.

Somehow this season I had forgotten why I do this. I had begun to compare myself to others and look upon outward results as a gauge of my development. When I made the conscious decision to return to my heart, everything began to fall into place.

As a triathlete my best is not demonstrated in how fast or far I am able to go. My best is a reflection of how deep I am able to dig. This is also true of my music, relations, work and life. My athletic goals are spiritual. I approach the start of Ironman as the final stage of a long look into my soul.

My second Ironman experience has been much tougher than the first. I have had to work much harder this time around. I have had to force myself at times to train. It was not always fun. I had doubt in my training and desire. Overcoming this, to reach the point I find myself today has been the true victory. I am physically, spiritually, and emotionally ready.-

My bike is also ready. Performance addressed my package improperly. I was able to get a refund and fill the order locally. They were able to help me resolve the issue. I am grateful for this.